


Ground Control

by Panic_atthetwentyonepilotsonmars



Category: Fall Out Boy, Halsey (Musician), Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, Brendon is awesome Fluff, Bulimia traces of at least, Dont know where im going w this but ill figure it out, F/M, Josh is a girl! first fic. cant think on any tags! sorry!, Self Harm (mentioned), i feel bad, same with anorexia, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-01-30 18:43:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12659220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panic_atthetwentyonepilotsonmars/pseuds/Panic_atthetwentyonepilotsonmars
Summary: Josh's parents left her behind at one. Growing up in a group home wasn't the best, until she finds Tyler.  Tyler made her life bearable, and they promised to stay alive for each other. Until he didn't. A few years later, he life is ruined by new arrival.Josh's character is based off patrick stump in Carpe Diem.  Storyline loosely based off A Whole School of these Mutant Kids. Check em out, they are awesome.





	1. Miss missing you

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first fic so if there are any mistakes, let me know. Don't be afraid to comment and let me know what you think. Enjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: miss missing you - fall out boy

Chapter 1 - Prolouge

Life after Tyler. After warm smiles and crooked teeth and crazy weird nicknames and the indescribable feeling of being loved.  
Yeah.  
Life after Tyler was hard. But Josh had to live with it. Maybe live was the wrong word. Deal with?? No. Hide from it?

Definitely.  
But that was how Josh dealt with every challenge life threw at her. She battled it by smashing her drums. Dun on drums. So very funny. But it made her feel better, on the days she was willing to admit that, yes, she was human and, yes, she did have feelings. Otherwise she built an emotional fortress, and the walls she built were towering above her, impenetrable. Until it all got too much. Until the wrists of her mind bled out and onto the real thing and the feeling of hopelessness engulfed her. She never felt the need to open up, or rather she did, but she'd die before admitting it. But it was her new normal, her everyday.  
So yeah.  
Yeah. Life after Tyler was difficult.  
But Josh dealt with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this is my first fic so if u spot any mistakes,let me know. Criticism is appreciated


	2. Just let me breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh was alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: wildfire - jeremy zucker

Chapter 2 

Josh was glad she didn't have a roommate. No annoying snoring, no questions, no prying eyes, no-one to talk to. Not that she needed it. There was no company, no tender kisses, no...  
Nostalgia. Josh needed to stop. Josh needed no one. She had no emotions. Unless you count her sobbing to herself at night, pondering the reason behind her existence. But Josh didn't count those. They simply didn't happen.

She wasn't what you'd call a morning person. Sleep, whenever she got it, was a treasure so rare, she would never willingly let go of it. So with consistent knocking and grumbles of unapproval and mumbles of "Let me sleep, just 5 more minutes", the beautiful sight that was Josh Dun with bed head arose from the dark depths of her duvet. She'd rub at her eyes and yawn and give her housemates a glare that would make a baby cry. That was a bit of an exaggeration. She'd try to glare but end up looking like a confused puppy. Nobody, no sane human being, would find that cute, but Tyler had.  
Tyler Robert Joseph, she thought, you had to go and leave me.

So with a mangled puppy glare, Josh crawled out of bed, grabbed some clothes and headed into the bathroom. Josh loved showers. Almost as much as she loved sleep. She also loved food, and the feeling she got while beating the crap out of her drums. In short, Josh loved a lot of things, and as she stood in the shower and let the hot water wash away her sins, she added showers to the never ending list. 

~~~~~~~

Josh hated panic attacks. They were the bane of her existence. She couldn't breathe couldn't make sense of the world around her couldn't think couldn't breath couldn't breathe breathe BREATHE. She sat in the corner of her room, knees pulled up into her arms, shaking and silently sobbing. Fuck her life. Nothing was worth it. She hated having to deal with this bullshit, hated having to wake up, having to breathe. But she fought so hard to do so. She fought so hard to avoid drowning when that was all she wanted to do. 

Why? She didn't have anything to live for, that person has left her behind. She wished she wasn't surprised when it happened. Everyone leaves. She was unwanted, isn't that why her parents abandoned her as a baby? Isn't that why Tyler.... isn't that why he.... Fuck. 

She stayed there for half an hour, staring into space until Sarah knocked on her door.  
"Come in," she called, voice hoarse. The panic attack had passed a few minutes ago, but she remained in that headspace. The door opened with a creak, and she caught a glance of Hayley walking past, earbuds in, bobbing her head along to her music.  
"Josh, it's time for dinner. We're having tacos, your favourite!"  
...... silence  
"Josh, did you hear me? I said-"  
"I'm not hungy"  
"Josh, you need to eat, you haven't all day."  
"I'm said I'm not hungry," She said, turning towards Sarah, "so leave me alone."  
She sighed and left, closing the door with a click. 

Josh was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, it's been a while. Well more than a while but I've had a lot of ish to deal with so yh . This has been sitting in my notes for a while, so I thought I'd finish it off. Again, I'm sorry


	3. Heart made of glass, my mind of stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stupid emotions. She was done with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: lovely - billie eillish & khalid

She stood in the mirror, critiquing her appearance, hating her dip-dyed blue hair, wondering what had possessed her to make such a bad choice. She critiqued her outfit, skinny black ripped jeans and an old hoodie with sleeves too long. She loved that. It hid her scars. She wore a red beanie too, finishing off the whole 'leave me the fuck alone' look she had thought was cool. Not so much anymore. She looked like a wannabe emo. She sighed, slung her backpack on her shoulder and walked out of the door. Time for school.

~~~~~~~~~~~

She pushed through the double doors into the corridor. Kids milled around, laughing, screaming, gossiping about the house party on Saturday. Josh had never been invited to one. Not that she wanted to go anyway. It was a high school movie cliché. 

She grumbled a sigh and strode to her locker, dumping her shit in and grabbing her maths textbook. She slammed it shut and turned,only to bump into none other than Patrick Stump. Her old friend. They had been inseparable once upon a time, but with Tyler's.... Let's say she hasn't spoke to him since.  
"Um, I'm so sorry," he said, turning to face her and his eyes widened when he saw who it was.  
"Josh! Man, it's, it's been a while," he chuckled  
She couldn't help it, it was so natural. "Understatement of the century." She giggled, the fond sarcasm flowing freely.  
"Yeah, I know. I just- Well I never thought I'd speak with you again, ya know?"  
The atmosphere between then changed, the camaraderie disappearing only to be replaced with awkward regrets.  
"Don't expect too much," she whispered, side stepping him and walking speedily down the hall. 

Patrick heard every word.

~~~~~~  
Detour. She dived through the bathroom doors, out of breath and tears in her eyes. Fuck. That was not in today's plans, but she couldn't help it. She wasn't ready for the onslaught of memories. The laughs and giggles, the inside jokes, telling each other of newfound crushes, and book marathons in his room, cuddled under blankets with big mugs of tea. All of a sudden she needed it, needed that friendship, but he would leave her eventually. She'd fuck it up eventually. 

She stumbled into maths 5 minutes late, ducking her head and mumbling an apology to the teacher. As she took her seat, she caught Patrick's eyes. He smiled sheepishly, shyly. It was an offering of friendship, a new chance at happiness. She was tempted to take it, tempted to start again, but she couldn't. She deserved to be alone. She deserved the pain, so she turned her head away. She sat down, slumping in her chair and her eyes glistened with tears. She tried to blink them away, to get on with the work on the board, but one still fell.It shimmered on the page.  
Stupid emotions. She was done with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one just because. Ilysm


	4. I don't understand this, you're changing I can't stand this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ' "Stop, Pete. Not now. I don't want to talk about it" '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: changes - xxxtentacion 
> 
> This is basically a filler chapter, I'm trying to get somewhere with the plot, so in the meantime you guys can have this

He didn't understand. They had been so close, and now? He didn't know. She'd changed and he knew why. Tyler. His death had shocked her to say the least. She'd been the one that find him.

He'd committed suicide, they'd said. They said that he died on scene. They'd said there was nothing they could have done. He'd shown both signs, they'd said. Bullshit. Everyone knew the kid had issues.

He lost both of his closest friends that night. One to a bottle of pills, and one to the aftershock. Luckily, Pete had been there, or he'd have been lost too.

Today was unexpected to say the least. She'd spoken to him, laughed with him, and it was just like old times. He hadn't realised how much he missed her. And she'd ignored him afterwards. It was like salt in the wound. The emptiness of those first few weeks was back, worse than ever. He needed release, he needed -

"Patrick, dude, are you okay? You kinda zoned out for a while," Brendon said. He slowly blinked himself back into reality and saw two sets of worried eyes staring back at him. Pete sat opposite him, whiskey eyes looking into his soul. Shit. He knew.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just tired, didn't get much sleep last night, s'all."

Pete's eyebrow quirked upwards, " Or was it Josh? I saw you guys in the hall today, and your reaction after. I don't know what's going on bu-"

"Stop, Pete. Not now. I don't wanna talk about it." Silence followed. Brendon, being Brendon, couldn't stand silence, so he decided to change the subject.

"So, uh, we haven't jammed out in a while, and you said you had some new songs Pete?" " Yeah, actually, it's called Grand Theft Autumn...." Patrick sighed in relief. The bell rang.

~~~~~~~~~~

He collapsed into bed, phone out and opened up his contacts. Josh's was still there, and he thought of dropping a text. He knew there'd be no reply, but there was no harm in trying, right? Yes, there was. She didn't want to talk to him, so he wouldn't bother her. He turned his phone off and grabbed his english homework. Might as well get it done.


	5. and i won't fight it, lost sight of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: glisten (interlude) - jeremy zucker 
> 
> In honour of trench, east is up guys. Stay alive ||-//

On days like today, it was too easy for her to give up. She got this feeling in her chest, like she was attached to this weight that dragged her down to the bottom of the sea. On days like today, she let it. She was tired. Too tired to fight her way to the top. On days like today, she drowned.

Everything moved as if the air was made of thick molasses, slow and smooth. She sat on her windowsill, head against the window, music blasting in her ears as the sky thrummed with rain. She sighed, thick and heavy, like the weight that settled itself at the bottom of her stomach. In her mind, she replayed that day. Patrick was a warm as ever, with eyes that felt like home, )and a smile as comforting as hot cocoa on a winter's day. He was her best friend, and she felt like she was a distant memory. She didn't know how to feel.

He phone buzzed to life with a text message. Strange. She didn't have friends, no one had her contact. Maybe it was a wrong number? She opened it up.

Hi, it read,I got ur no. from Patrick's fone. Bs aside, pat was in a bad way at lunch and Pete mentioned u. Im just curious why

who r u?

Brendon

why r u talking 2 me??

I told u

Don't believe it

I just wanna know wats wrong w him. He's my best friend 

And cue the sting.

just leave me alone alright?

Her phone buzzed over and over, and she tuned it out. Patrick probably didn't care, this was probs some prank, and she would be dammed if she was going to fall for it. 

But why would he lie about that? Why would he even be interested in her? She picked up the phone and typed in a message.

Tell me one reason i should believe you

no one else had your no. right?? pat does. he still cares bout u

what's wrong w him

me and Pete think it's cause he bumped into you.

you've made a mistake. it can't be me, we haven't spoken in years

why

it's nothing u need to know

if that's what's making him like this, then yh it is

im not doing this anymore bye 

~~~~~~~~~~

Why wouldn't she believe him? What did he need to do to get through to her? He was confused and frustrated; all he wanted to do was look out for Patrick, be a good friend. Why wasn't the universe letting him do that?   
He threw his phone at the wall.   
I probably shouldn't have done that, he thought, but it's done.  
Maybe it's cause he'd never actually spoken to her. Maybe she thought he was a dick. He was sometimes, he wasn't going to lie, but that was beside the point. If something happened between them, he was going to find out. He made it his mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love u guys a lot. U mean a lot to me


End file.
